CALLING TOXIC FRIENDSHIP

 

(The picture was made by AI)

The root of the word friend; what does the back mean? What is with you means the one who protects from evil that comes from behind you, from where you do not expect. How many of us have real friends in our lives. In the age of technology we live in, while everything is so empty, friendship is a thing of the past. Still, word-of-word friendship is one of the most important relationships that make our lives beautiful, support us, and empower us with the confidence that comes with knowing they are by our side. But is every friendship healthy? Some relationships, unwittingly, slowly draw us into vortices that we do not actually want to get into.  This is called toxic friendship.

Toxic friendship is a bond in which one of the parties is constantly harmed, feels bad and carries a greater burden than the relationship. In these relationships, instead of love, respect and support, jealousy, manipulation and behaviors that consume our energy are at the forefront. When this is a situation that I have felt for a long time, I wanted to share it with you. 

When I look at middle school, high school and college, which are friends at a young age, I comment on a friendship relationship that has passed 20 years. The situation I have been aware of for the past five years. Environmental factors also affect the person's capacity to tolerate, the process of forced adaptation. I was raised by my family as a person who causes problems in society in the environment should never be, responsible and conscientious. As a character, unfortunately, I could have an optimistic approach that even if I saw the mistakes of the people I loved, I did not want to do so. I'm wrong. People never really change. The flower grown in a flower pot has the features of the soil in dna. Only the energy and sun that it spends, water, can flower beautifully with the outside factors or can wither. I see that what I felt as a child, maybe what I silenced in order not to be a person who caused trouble in the environment, became like a sea in the other person. Because it has no restrictions. The smallest example of manipulation is phone talk, where you always want to be at the forefront of yourself, to be asked to solve your problems; 

"Where have you been? How long have we not spoken, you have not called! "

...

"You never called me, well. "

This person is a person who does not do his own profession, but also says that it is very easy to appoint a teacher and that I cannot be appointed because of my laziness. The result is that after studying his second university, we read the same department together and I was in my 3rd university. The assignment exam system thinks to itself that paid teaching does not go up to nanny. Welcome to the real world. He tells everyone that he did not get enough points because he did not study for three years, while he says that he wrote courses in the background and plans to study. With the image it reflects on the environment, it presents its image to people in a very different way. When I went to Ankara last year for my master's degree, I stopped congratulating me as if nothing had happened. I recently saw a post shared by a professor;

STAY AWAY!!!

-Those who read what you know and look like you listen

-From those who look like friends and are jealous of you

-Laughing at your face and digging your well behind your back

- From those who make accounts and win in all circumstances 

-Not leaving you alone on your good day, but not available on your bad day

Stay away from these people, believe me, the many years you have spent have no meaning. Because somewhere that toxic person is now attacking you without putting a filter on himself. He does not hesitate to make you feel envious and competitive. Your friend is me, I do not compete with him, your good intentions are no, I am actually always competing with you; he can easily underestimate your success instead of celebrating it. When you ask for the sake of his state, when you understand that he is bad, when you are by his side and you cannot see the same effort, you are making unilateral efforts and you are always carrying the burden of the relationship. In this situation, the toxic person is used to and always in expectation from you by manipulating you in the same way, to make you feel guilty or to try to force your own wishes to accept you. Again, the smallest example, we meet at the nearest point to the house of the toxic person in mass gatherings. Because she does not want to use public transportation, she wants to be taken by car if there is a long distance place.

Today I see that I don't have to be someone's mother, I don't always have to be the giver. Because no matter how big and mature I act in this friendship relationship, it is not enough for toxic people and it leads to psychological fatigue. 

While friendship is one of the most valuable bonds that we should have in our lives, if a friendship is constantly pulling you down, perhaps it is time to let go. Because true friendship gives strength, not burden. With that power you will wing and not lose color. Stay away from people who have faded your color. Do not let your heart be broken by the people you love while protecting them from evil. No matter what you are sad, the most toxic people will act as if they are upset and their problems are more valuable.

I think in another article I will explain what this toxic person made me go through, as I realized that she was actually a narcissist ...